Abby Zimet

In “almost Shakespearean grotesquery,” our cringe Buffoon-In-Chief just thrust himself into Sunday's World Cup final where he was unceremoniously booed, snubbed and cropped out of team photos.

More madness from the surreal saga of a nuclear-armed Iran oscillating between “obliterated” and “threatening our families” so we have to obliterate

Killing The Messenger Dept: Somehow going still lower, Republicans - aka “you absolute fucking pieces of shit” - just hauled Dr. Anthony Fauci into a Senate hearing to charge the guy who saved three million lives with “sabotaging” a dog heartworm pill, wanting to be a megalomanic “sun god,” destroying “Americans' trust in their government” and probs being “responsible for this entire pandemic .” In response, Fauci, “the man they cannot forgive for being right,” declined to answer any of their “questions.”

More than 50 years after the murder of Chilean folk singer Victor Jara, the last man convicted of killing him has been tracked down and brought to justice. In 1973, a day after Pinochet's coup, Jara was seized, tortured, his hands broken to silence what was deemed music “more powerful than a thousand machine guns.” Today, in a world tilting right, he remains an icon of resistance.

Wowza, rare glimmer of good news. We take a moment to honor the stunning Michigan victory of Abdul El-Sayed, who was outspent 12-1 by his opponent's millions from establishment Dems, Zionist PACS and corporations and still managed to win even though he is a progressive Muslim who calls

Hoo boy. With the approach of what promises to be “the super-Islamophobic midterms,” the Bigot-In-Chief is letting his racist freak flag fly by attacking the good doctor Abdul El-Sayed, whose smarts, strength, hotness, accomplished wife and Michigan win clearly terrify him. Cue charges of “communist,” “man of hate,” and, probs soon, AI slop featuring suicide vests. Meanwhile, El-Sayed, a far sharper tool in the shed, has embraced the charge they represent “(two) America's”: The ads write themselves.

Stormy times at sea, as U.S. ships endure months-long, record-setting deployments for a war nobody wanted that still has no clear objective, reason for being or end in sight and their thousands of burned-out sailors endure bad food, water , plumbing and morale so low some are leaping overboard, or trying to, to end it all. Blame Nazi messianic clown Kegseth and his fellow zealots, who lured the faithful and gullible in then abandoned them - a sordid regime hallmark.

Not to alarm, but everything in America - our economy, military, education, environment, health, moral fiber - is being decimated by a petty, fragile, flailing child in a fact-free bubble who just turned our foreign policy over to North Korea because its dictator “has always been nice to me.” Otherwise, he's grifting, lying, babbling, losing wars, slathering gold, raving about his vanity projects - “If you're grass, you're very happy” - and going on AI slop sprees with George Washington , who's spinning in his grave.

Well damn, we sure feel safer knowing ICE pulled 5-year-old Liam Tadeo and his construction worker dad Victor off Austin's streets on their way to a soccer game before Liam could start kindergarten the next day; also that they were held at a family concentration camp, ICE refused to let Liam's mother take him, and both father and son will “self-deport” to not further sully our pristine white shores. Question: How do these sick fucks sleep at night?

More insane idiocy from the petty huckster clown king whose idea of governance is threatening lawsuits, trade wars, buildings that won't put his name on them; bungling war and peace; flaunting Nazi loyalty queries and images of black men in chains; and distracting from it all with the geographic circlejerk of renaming “LAKe AMeRiCA.” The Internet was born for this: Cue Donald Ducks, the Straits of Our Moose, Lake Dead Pedo Bestie, Lake Superior President Obama, and Lake Stupid Fucking Moron.