Sarah Cowgill

The Democratic Party machine dropped random and ridiculous notions on all things political, but dagnabbit, so did the GOP. It was such an obnoxious week that Heartlanders hoped for a wormhole or some sort of portal to sneak through – and, God forbid, that Iran would do something newsworthy for President Donald Trump to carpet bomb and then discuss. It was not to be. Instead, the news was focused on Hunter Biden, how to lose the midterms 101, dangerous stereotypes to mimic, and why no one can stand Canada. Hint: It's not just hockey. Instead of crazy du jour, most decided on watching paint dry and the plopping down of the Artemis II in the Pacific.

The things you may not know and might not want to hear about plagued heartlanders this week as fake food slimed its way into the political dialogue, Iran can't seem to make up its mind on opening the Straight of Hormuz, and Rosie O'Donnell has another meltdown over her nemesis, Donald J. Trump. The two-step is only fun when you are scooting across the sawdust in the honky-tonk. Add politics, and someone is always dancing backwards.

No one wants a 25-year-old Scotch floating in the harbor. There was a shift in the heartland air as long live the king chants erupted for Charles on social media.

It got dark this week, but there's still a light at the end of the tunnel. King Charles and Queen Camilla kept tongues wagging last week, but this week, heartlanders had Rep.

AWOL lawmakers and a BBQ beatdowns. Heartlanders have questioned where Florida's famous bedazzler, Democrat Rep.

For days now, heartlanders young and old have quietly lined the streets, adorned businesses, decorated fence posts, and meticulously posted Old Glory on soldiers' graves to help commemorate Memorial Day. Patriotism and love of country have been instilled in the locals dating back generations and handed down to kids today. We cherish the sacrifice others have made. But in the back corners of the back forty, and even as the last flag was planted, America said goodbye to Tulsi Gabbard, Stephen Colbert, Kyle Busch, and Schlitz. Some forever, others for a moment in time.

New Mexico's bizarre governor, who has jumped through drywall in heels, made the news for kicking men to the curb this week. Not to be outdone in political stunts and soundbites, President Donald Trump's Kennedy Center makeover is not going to make a huge reveal, Congressional GOP right-wingers are struggling to bury the MAGA divide, and the bedazzled lawmaker up and left.

There's something fishing going on in the federal courts. It appears every red snapper these days is a Democrat.

Are we witnessing a billionaire bug out as yet another mega-monied guy searches for fewer restrictions on that hard-earned paycheck? Gov. Gavin Newsom's hot mess of California is a leading motivator. Gov. Kathy Hochul telling her New York billionaires to leave the state, well, they complied, and now the mayor of the largest US city is running with scissors. Why wouldn't the rich want to escape? But this is about more than a few blue states in the United States: Peter Thiel, a conservative who backed President Donald Trump, co-founded PayPal and Palantir, and, as of December 2025, had a net worth of $27.5 billion, is looking to the northern coast of South America as an option if implosion is imminent. “¡Bienvenidos a Argentina!”

Add commie to the mix and now we have all our phobias contained in one entity. The Chicago Bears are about to move out of Chicago and across the state line into Hammond, Indiana.