Trish Bendix

President Trump “promised he would drain the swamp,” Jimmy Kimmel said. “Instead, he spent 14 million of our dollars building a new one.”

Although the agreement finally reopens the Strait of Hormuz, “we threw in a minimum of $300 billion,” Kimmel said. “Right now, Melania’s wondering, ‘How do I get a deal like that?’”

Jimmy Fallon poked fun at the name of the business under fire for turning the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool bright green: “Nailed it.”

“Hey, kids, remember you wanted to go to Disneyland? Instead, we’re going to go see the world’s largest kombucha!” Johnson said of the pool renovation as a tourist stop.

“There’s even a dunk tank with JD Vance and a drunk tank with Kash Patel,” Fallon said.

The fair has everything, Jimmy Fallon said, including “a Trump approval rating roller coaster, which has the biggest drop in history.”

President Trump may not have known what a red card in soccer is, Ronny Chieng said: “But you know what he did know? How to get a guy a pardon.”

The “Daily Show” host called the image “totally believable evidence that Mitch McConnell is not only alive, but the happiest boy in the hospital.”

“A Senate seat? Most people just get a garage full of damp boxes,” Michael Kosta said of Graham’s sister filling the late senator’s seat on “The Daily Show.”

“It’s the second book Biden has written,” Fallon said of the former president. “The first was ‘The Odyssey.’”