Amanda Mannen

Wake up, idiots: The world is a cruel, terrifying place. There isn’t a supposedly wholesome thing you could name that doesn’t come part and parcel with a dark side. Baseball? Rife with scandal. Kites? They kill people. Mr. Rogers? Okay, as far as we can determine, Mr. Rogers never even had a rude thought in his entire life. He is dead, though. So that’s pretty grim.

If you put these guys in the role, you almost don’t even need prosthetics

If Jigsaw were real, we’d all be in trouble

We generally expect the people who run our governments to behave better than literal babies swiping squeaky plastic hammers from each other, but the unfortunate truth is that we really shouldn’t. You just don’t get that kind of power without being willing to resort to some seriously underhanded shit. Like when…

There’s a guy wearing jeans in ‘Gladiator’

‘What’s E.T. short for?’

The 1950s were different in a lot of ways: People were slightly more afraid of communism, almost nobody was allowed to get married, and if you told people a movie was made by a computer, they’d probably say, “What’s a computer?” Hell, they’d barely just worked out how to make the talking pictures the same color as the real people talking. They were not ready for Benedragon Cumbersmaug.

‘Drug spiders’

You’ll be begging for a mosquito bite after learning what these insects can do to you

Even gamers can be sainted now