Christopher Stevens

Homeowners come in two basic types - the ones who make endless cups of tea for workmen, and the ones who act as overseers, scrutinising every detail.

Benidorm's back! The high-rise hotels, the tourists in crop tops with lobster-and-cream sunburns, the OAP racers on mobility scooters....go on, admit you've missed it.

In Europe, that will be Michael Portillo, with his Bradshaw's railway guide, fedora and wardrobe in all the colours of a sweet shop.

Courting headlines, controversial for the sake of it? Or a lone act of courageous defiance at the expense of his own career?

I can't help feeling that the charity series Celebrity Hunted might raise a lot more money for Stand Up To Cancer if it weren't such a heap of weary codswallop.

CHRISTOPHER STEVENS: Silicon Valley might as well give up now. After throwing billions of dollars and trillions of kilowatts at AI animation, the results still look utterly unconvincing.

The Victorians with Rob Rinder and Ruth Goodman (Channel 5) Rating: Two stars out of five Silicon Valley might as well give up now.

They're everywhere. Crawling on the worktops, buzzing against the windows, hovering around food, humming and clustering near the bins. Britain is suffering a plague of flies.

Americans don't understand sport. They think it's a form of entertainment, which is why they're generally so bad at it. Sport done properly is far too important to be enjoyable.

Possession was channelling Daphne Du Maurier from the opening shot of a decaying mansion on the hill.