Lesli Doares

No, Fighting Is NOT Good for Your Marriage I have long struggled to find any way to put a positive spin on fighting.

Life is frequently hard. But you get to choose your hard. “The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now.”

We value your privacy Rocking the boat is not always a bad choice. “Don't rock the boat. Don't tip the boat over.”

Playing Defense in Your Marriage Won't Work Rocking the boat is not always a bad choice.

Talking about the quality or quantity of physical intimacy is hard. That doesn't mean it's not necessary.

It's a choice you get to make every day, and it costs you nothing but thought and intention.

The Impact of Accountability on Your Marriage Acknowledging her feelings is the first step. The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely. ― C.G. Jung A colleague of my husband's said to him one day, “You are the master of your intent. The other person is the master of your impact.” He was talking about business, but I believe it applies equally to marriage. Many of my clients become defensive when their wives tell them they've been hurt by something the husband has done. Almost to a man, my clients try to explain they meant no harm. Sound familiar? Rarely do their wives slap their heads and say, “Of course honey, you didn't mean to be hurtful. How silly of me to be upset.” I've been helping people with their relationships for twenty years. And I've never seen anyone successfully talk someone else out of their feelings. But it doesn't stop them from trying. The more frequently it happens, the more damage is being done. I have found that most men are good guys who love their wives and want their marriages to be successful. So it's very hard for them to acknowledge that they may be the source of hurt, disappointment and frustration. It's important to note that husbands are not the only source of challenges. Both partners bear responsibility for the state of their relationship. And that's part of the problem. When you are married, you each have a built-in scapegoat. It's easier to focus on what your partner is doing than to look in the mirror. And your wife, in turn, focuses on your failings. It is hard to acknowledge where you may have fallen short. Even if it's been unintentional. Especially if it's been unintentional. But being able to take accountability for the impact of your actions will have a positive impact on your marriage. It can be hard to hear that the person you love has issues with you. Being able to hear them with an open mind and heart takes courage. She may not be “right” but she also isn't “wrong”. It is her experience. Her perception. Acknowledging her feelings is the first step. The next is to take a hard look at what might be accurate in her assessment. If you find something, identify a way to address it that supports you, her, and, most importantly, your marriage. When you are able to take accountability for your behavior, it invites trust and respect. It also invites her to take accountability for hers. And that's how your marriage thrives. JOIN OUR FREE FACEBOOK GROUP FOR MEN ONLY, Kindness is Key to a Good Marriage Intimacy Requires Honesty Playing Defense in Your Marriage Won't Work

Holding onto old habits, simply because you've been doing them for years, is not a great approach.

Most of the time, being “right” is more about your preferences, experiences, and perceptions. Not about actual facts.

This is what makes marriages work. Don't be mean. There's no need to be mean. Buckaroo Bonzai