Nicky Smokes

Don't worry everyone I've got a full turkey blog cooking. It's just the more I look at how ridiculous I looked post surgery I realized this had to be two separate blogs. This blog is simply dedicated to me looking deformed.

Where does one even begin when telling the story of one of the best weeks of their life? I guess I might as well start at the beginning. It all kicked off after I spent an hour and a half in the TSA l...

Not to sound like one of those people who return from Europe acting all worldly and cultured, but the way Americans have reshaped the stigma around smoking cigarettes is truly remarkable—and, frankly, a bit extreme.

Don't say I didn't warn you! This U.S. Men's National Team (USMNT) is truly special. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: the United States will win their first World Cup before England wins their second. Bold claim? Maybe—but this is the most talented USMNT we've ever seen, and their potential is undeniable.

Check Out The Latest Episode of Pitch Picks: For the past few years, Manchester City has felt like a machine.

Another big game, another lifeless and pathetic performance from the Miami Dolphins. I’ve seen enough. This circus has run its course, not just for me but for Dolphins fans everywhere. Enough is enoug...

Things you just absolutely love to see. The once mighty apex predator of the Premier League has now plummeted to the bottom of the food chain. Do you have any idea how catastrophically bad you have to be to average fewer points per game than Southampton? Yes, Southampton—the perennial relegation candidates. And yet, the so-called big bad Manchester City, the boys in blue, can't even muster a single point per match. Let that sink in.

I'm tired of living a lie. I'm tired of pretending to wash my hands after I piss just because my coworker happens to be in the bathroom at the same time. And I know I'm not alone in this. Just the other day, Nick Turani and I made eye contact in the men's room, both of us post-piss, and he asked, “We're not washing our hands, right?” I looked him dead in the eye and replied, “No chance.”

I’m convinced the Miami Dolphins will never bring me joy. These sorry motherfuckers don’t even play until Sunday, which means I should be able to make it through the week without pain, right? Wrong. T...

Let me get this out front by saying I know I'm not the smartest person here at Barstool. In fact, I consider myself part of the "Fucktard Four," which consists of me, White Sox Dave, Dana Beers, and Mintzy. I'm sure Francis is cooking up some 1,500-word blog that I have neither the time nor the desire to read because I'm on my way home to sunny Fort Lauderdale to sip a Pacifico with my nuts out while soaking in the Florida sun. There won't be any back-and-forth from me and Big Red. I love Francis; in fact, you could say I'm a fan. He doesn't know this, but I watch all his stand-up sets because he's so adept with words, truly a wizard with language.