Ryan Syrek

For the last 20 years or so, the phrase “from director Tim Burton” was more warning than promise. When reading it on a movie poster, the voice in my head sounded exactly like someone who narrates a prescription drug commercial. “Do not watch if you’re allergic to pale people, crooked architecture, or Johnny Depp.” What a shock to find that Beetlejuice Beetlejuice is fairly hilarious and genuinely charming.

Rap rock is less “music” and more “warning.” If you hear it, you’d best run. Best-case scenario is that you’re about to get into an unpleasant political discussion. Worst-case scenario is that you’re about to watch The Killer’s Game. From the rap rock song that opens the movie to laughable CGI blood and gratuitously obvious continuity errors, everything around Dave Bautista here is either repellent or lame. Sorry, big guy. We have all talked about it, and everyone likes you! Just, you know, not this thing.

The Substance Is the Grossest Movie of the Year. I Loved It!

With lush animation and featuring Pedro Pascal as a talking fox, The Wild Robot will only be disliked by sociopaths and the mudgiest of curmudgeons.

The only thing more irritating than self-congratulatory films about the creative process are biopics that contain impressions instead of acting and historical narratives that rewrite the past. Saturday Night stops mere inches short of saying the creation of SNL changed America forever, features a billion character actors playing real-life comedy icons, and plays so loosey goosey with reality that reality’s caboose is permanently goosed. I kinda loved it?

Working backward from the innate terror of a forced grin, the original Smile was the opposite of “elevated horror.” Diminished terror? Insignificant fear? Minimalized trepidation? Instead of leveraging mental health for a sophisticated metaphor it was like Freud kept coming up behind you and yelling “Boo! You wanna have sex with your mom!” Classic Sigmund.

Anna Kendrick’s directorial debut is proof that you can craft a thrilling film about unspeakable crimes without sanitization or salaciousness.

The film is essentially a sandwich where the bread is monologues and the meaty filling is slightly shorter monologues. Delicious!

It is entirely possible that Rumours, an alleged comedy from writers/directors Evan Johnson, Galen Johnson, and Guy Maddin, is smart and funny. I am basing a lot of that on the fact that Cate Blanchett agreed to star in it. I am not basing a lot of that on my having found it smart and funny. I trust Cate Blanchett more than myself, as we all should.

Wicked ’s lineage is so complicated, Maury Povich is heavy breathing. L. Frank Baum’s book became a movie that inspired a book that became a musical that became a movie. You may be expecting a snide comment about derivative exploitation of “intellectual property,” but your presumption is wrong. Wow, you should really be forced to watch a musical about being overly judgmental with an audience filled of show choir students.